What Happened After “Hi”?

My first encounter with Frenchie via Tinder happened in November of 2014.  Yes, he texted me on whatsApp after landing in Paris. Yes, for the next few weeks we sent a few texts to each other every couple of days.

I finally asked him to send me a selfie right where he was (I think he was in São Paulo) just to prove that he was who he said he was.  I had that slight fear of being Catfished again.  He sent me a picture of himself in his uniform preparing to leave.  Wowza!!!! Okay it was him!  And he was even better than his Tinder profile!!  No more worries of being catfished!  Of course he asked the same of me and I obliged by sending a him a picture of myself in my uniform as well.  Unfortunately scrubs (operating room attire – for those of you who are non-medical) aren’t sexy at all!  But he still seemed happy with the pic.

The texts continued and increased in frequency to every day, sometimes for hours at a time. The time difference was a bit of a mathematical issue but we figured it out.  Before work for me, before bed for him, etc.  Did we alter our sleep schedules?  Yes, a bit.  I got up a little earlier, he stayed up a little later.  Texting each other, as I mentioned before, became part of our daily routines. The crazy thing was that we never ran out of things to say!!  And even crazier, English was not his first language and we were still able to carry on deep conversations.  We talked about everything and easily.  We shared the same views on pretty much every issue.  The things we didn’t agree on (which were so few I can’t remember) we were able to discuss why we each felt the way we did and neither of us tried to sway the opinion of the other.  This guy was gorgeous and funny and worldly and smart and articulate.  Okay….so what was wrong with him?  Is that what you are asking?  Believe me, I was asking myself the same thing!!  My “red flag” scanners were on!

The one thing I kept noticing was that when he wasn’t flying and was back in France, each evening he suddenly “had to go” and then he would come back usually after 10pm his time and start texting me again.  Duh duh duh!!  A girlfriend?  Couldn’t be a wife unless they had separate bedrooms.  He texted me way too late and long for a bed partner to be okay with that unless he waited for her to fall asleep.  He had dates and texted me when he got home?  Who comes home before 10pm from a date, ALONE??  He goes out with the guys every night?  Again, who comes home from guys’ night before 10pm, SOBER?  He lives with his mother??  What was he doing between 4:30 and 10pm?

I wanted to ask.  Curiosity was killing me but, then again, what did it matter?  I was here and he was there.  Would it change anything?  We had never met in person.  What right did I have to ask?  What business was it of mine?  He didn’t ask what I was doing or even if I was still seeing other people.  If I didn’t like it, I could simply end it.  End what though, exactly?  Our pen pal friendship?  After all, it was only an online “friendship” at this point and nothing more.

I won’t lie though, it was really bugging me that he disappeared every evening when he was home.  I had developed feelings for him beyond just a friendship.  How though?? How can you have romantic feelings for someone you’ve never met?  I had to constantly remind myself that what he did on his own time was none of my business.  What to do? What to do?