[photo credit: pixabay]
I told you all that I had gone out with a whole bunch of frogs before I met Prince Charming. I haven’t had the chance to tell you about most of them as I wanted to get to the point of the blog….Finding French Charming. I feel that they are still relevant in the story though, as they helped shape me into the person I became before meeting French Charming.
I decided to add a series of posts “The Wrongs That Led To Mr. Right” to tell the rest of the stories. I gave nicknames to almost all of them. This first one came to mind when I was eating dinner with a friend and we were raving about how good the sauce was. She asked if she could have more sauce.
I hadn’t been living in Houston long and my Chicago friends were concerned and trying to help my social/dating life. A friend in Chicago contacted her friend in Houston who “knew somebody” who was single. Anytime a friend of a friend “knows someone” to fix you up with, it spells disaster and I should have said “no thanks”. However, I felt obliged since my friend went out of her way blah blah blah.
I was told that this gentleman was an attorney (another reason I should have run -just personal experiences) and he was divorced, no kids, in shape, and right “in my age bracket” (age brackets are like asses, some people’s are larger than others).
So I agreed for drinks only. When I showed up, this person was a good 10 years above my “bracket” limit. He had his sport coat buttoned to camouflage the spare tire he was also sporting. The fabric straining and pulling at the buttons only made it more glaringly apparent. I told myself “it’s only a drink and then you can leave”. I assumed my Chicago friend had never seen this person or had decided she was mad that I moved away. The waiter approached for our drink order.
Me: vodka soda with a lemon please.
Waiter: any specific vodka?
Me: grey goose
Him: I’ll have a grey goose martini shaken not stirred, with the juice of 4 limes, no seeds, and two dashes of black pepper
When the waiter left I said “wow that’s a pretty….specific drink order!”
Him: yes, well, I know what I like
Me: you know, he’s probably going to spit in it
I know…not very mature or classy of me, but I was sooo turned off by this guy already.
He proceeds to tell me how he has started eating healthy to stay in shape. (Started? When? Today?) I ask him to describe “eating healthy”. He says he never liked fish but has started trying eating a lot more fish…”and I noticed if I put enough sauce on it, I can’t even taste the fish!”
As I finish my drink (as quickly as I can) thinking I’m moments from being out the door, he says he made dinner reservations. NOOOOOOO!!!! Again, this was early on and I didn’t want to be rude or for my friend to think I didn’t appreciate her efforts.
We are seated (steak place) and a new waiter approaches.
Waiter: Can I get you something to start?
Him: how about the bacon wrapped scallops with extra sauce
He didn’t even ask me! Then the waiter came back for our main course order.
Me: I’ll have the filet medium rare
Waiter: any sauces?
Me: no thank you
Him: I’ll have the filet, well done and can you bring a little bowl of each of your sauces on the side? Oh and do you have A1 and Heinz 57 sauce?
Him: bring both of those too
I was so disgusted. I ate so fast (skipping the scallops) that I had indigestion later. I let him ramble on about …I don’t even remember. I used the excuse that I had to get up early for work and quickly left. I walked fast to my car. So fast that he was almost chasing me to keep up. I hopped in immediately because I didn’t want him to think standing to say goodbye meant for him to kiss or hug me. I assumed, or hoped, the guy had gotten the message that I wasn’t interested.
But no! That night he texted me. He said he noticed my shoes and assumed I must have quite a collection. Okay, yes, I do love me some shoes! I have a modest collection. But…the fact that a man I had no interest in at all was texting me about my shoes was a little creepy. But wait, it got creepier! He asked my two favorite designers. He proceeded to send me pictures of shoes asking if I liked each one he sent. Sadly, he was sending the most old fashioned style shoes ever! I told him no, it wasn’t my style. By the third picture I said “These look like something my grandmother would wear” and reminded him I had to get up early.
However, the next day he texted me and said he had already chosen a Mexican restaurant for our next date. This is when I realized you can’t assume or hope that a man gets the signals you are sending…you have to just spell it out. So I said “I’m sorry I just don’t think I’m up to you’re culinary tastes. Good luck!”
After this fiasco I promised myself 1) I would not go out with anyone who was a set up sight unseen, 2) I would not be suckered into dinner again and 3) I would cut it short as soon as I got a weird vibe. Why waste each other’s time? To this day, every time a waiter asks if I would “like sauce with that”, I cringe just a little.