Re-post: Bringing everyone back up to speed on what happened when I met French Charming.
When we left off before, French Charming seemed to mysteriously disappear each evening whenever he was in France. Where was he going? What was he doing between 4 and 10 pm?
It was December, a month after our introduction on Tinder, and we were texting like crazy, for hours at a time. We had finally FaceTimed! To hear his voice and see his face was incredible!! I already knew he had beautiful eyes, but to see them sparkling while he was speaking was hypnotizing. And that French accent….WOW!! Americans have always been fascinated with accents….check out the surveys and polls.
Our texts had gotten more serious and much more flirty. In fact, we had decided that we definitely wanted to meet in person. It was too late to make it happen in January because his January schedule was already out. We would have to wait until at least February, if he was granted his destination request, to finally see each other face to face.
We had had one of our 2+ hour text sessions one night, starting after 10pm. He informed me that he had a meeting to go to the next day. He didn’t say what it was for and I didn’t ask. He also told me he was supposed to help a friend move some things the next afternoon and he may not be available. There were a whole lot of “reasons” for not being available. I was getting suspicious because it was becoming too much. You know, a good liar leaves things ambiguous. A bad liar gives too many details.
I suppose he was feeling guilty about all the excuses for being unavailable too. The next morning as I was getting ready for work and we were texting, he sends me a text saying “I need to confess one thing.” Here we go! Should I sit down for this? No I was going to take it like a man – standing up (while putting on my makeup)! “Okay”…what is it I was wondering as a million possible responses were bouncing around in my head.
“I didn’t want to at first as I didn’t know how far this would go. But as we get along so well, I feel I can trust you and you will understand” he continued.
Understand what?? Trust me with what? My mind was racing. What was wrong with him? Was it a wife? A physical deformity which I would discover if we were ever to meet in person? A physical limitation if we were ever to be intimate? Would I be okay with that? Were there ways to overcome it? Could it be fixed? The doctor in me was already trying to come up with treatments for problems I didn’t even know if he had. I was guessing all the possible responses and calculating my reaction to them faster than a Ferrari can rev up the rpms when you floor it!
“Okay. Tell me.” I finally say.
“I have two kids” he says. I take a moment to process….he was nearly 40, so it’s not completely unexpected, but…what else?
“And?” I ask.
“And what?” He responds.
“And a wife?” I ask.
“We are separated” he says. (Well actually his first response, thanks to autocorrect, was “We are Deprecated” but he quickly corrected it.)
“Does she know that?” I ask. Believe me, men have all sorts of ways of saying things to make it sound one way when it’s really another. I know! Been there, done that!
“Yes she knows!” he says
“Do you live together?” I ask.
“No, we are separated” he responds.
“But do you live in the same house?” I ask.
By this time he’s probably wondering what the hell is wrong with me.
“No, we are separated!” He says again.
“So she lives in her place and you live in yours and you don’t sleep under the same roof?” I ask.
“No!” he replies.
Neither of us texted anything for a few moments. I was absorbing it all and analyzing my thoughts and feelings. He was probably wondering what kind of crazy I am, but also if the fact that he has kids and a not-yet-ex-wife would make me run away.
To tell the truth, I was actually relieved to know why he disappeared each evening when he was in Bordeaux. He had his kids whenever he was not flying. Something about him being a dad made him even sexier! I didn’t expect kids, but even more, I didn’t expect my reaction to the news! Dads had never been sexy to me before!!!
But…….he was “separated” i.e. not divorced! That was a huge red waving flag! A huge red flashing neon sign saying “WARNING”. I had promised myself never to go out with a married man ever again. I had already experienced that with “My Own Mr. Big” (another story for later).
Now what do I do? I already had feelings for him. We were already making plans to meet.
Meeting him and falling for him just to have him tell me he was going back to his wife would be devastating. Cancelling didn’t seem like the right option just yet either. I mean, really, it probably was the right option, but I wasn’t ready to give up this almost perfect non-physical relationship with a man I had never met.
I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. I needed to find out exactly what “separated” meant.
Was he going to try to save his marriage? Was he just getting some ego strokes from me in the meantime? Was he even really planning to come to meet me?