Does Social Distancing Ruin Your Chances of Finding Love?

Let me first say to everyone I hope you and your loved ones are healthy.

Social distancing, the new norm. It’s such a crazy and unpredictable time in our lives. Every thing we have known of daily life is changed. Each day brings new information, extensions of stay-at-home orders, rising numbers of cases and deaths and hopes of finding treatments.

Priorities have changed. Hopefully, you are finding that all the little things that seemed so significant just a month ago don’t seem so significant now. Families are spending time together at home. Running to dance lessons, soccer practice, piano lessons, school functions, meetings, parties, etc have all gone to the wayside. Don’t get me wrong, I am pretty sure I can speak for all of us that we will be happy when we can do those things again. When we are able to, will we put as much emphasis on those things?? Probably, we are creatures of habit.

What about dating? What if you hadn’t found your special someone when all of this started? Does social distancing have to bring your social life to a social death? No! Of course not. Online dating has been around for years! There are Tinder, Bumble, Happen, Coffee Meets Bagel, POF, The Inner Circle and I’m sure dozens more depending on how much you want to narrow down your choices and “must-haves” plus Match.com and e-harmony.

I’m not going to lie, I’ve been out of the dating circuit for more than five years now, so I may be a little rusty on what sites are “the bomb” {who even says that anymore?} and which ones to steer away from. However, what I can tell you is that dating (or at least meeting someone) can still work despite social distancing. When I met French Charming on Tinder, it was truly a serendipitous passing. At the time Tinder was local only and he happened to be passing through my locality. We matched, but didn’t have time to meet as he was back to France the same day we matched. I mean literally, he was in a shuttle on his way to the airport! However, the spark was there and enough to keep us both interested. Three months later we had our first date and our last “first kiss”.

Here are some tips to remember while continuing your dating life:

Tip 1: Keep your profiles current. We are all in some sort of isolation. Why not include some photos of how you are managing your own quarantine? No, not the ones of you in your jammies eating peanut butter out of the jar. Show that you still take an interest in how you look and take care of yourself.

Tip 2: If you like a sense of humor, show that you have one too. You can show it in one of your pics or in your profile comments. I’m amazed at how creative people are during this crisis. Got some creativity up your sleeve? Show it!

Tip 3: If the conversation doesn’t flow naturally (or even get started) don’t force it. Don’t waste your time. Imagine you were out at a bar with your friends and this person came up and tried to strike something up with you but then didn’t speak or answered your questions with one word responses. You would probably just walk away. Do the same online.

Tip 4: Make sure the person you think you are talking to is really who you are talking to. Ask for an impromptu photo, but be willing to do the same. For example, if they say they are preparing dinner ask them to send a photo of themself in the kitchen showing whatever they just said they were preparing. If things are going really well, move to video chat. If it takes two days to get the impromptu photo you asked for 1) that’s not impromptu and 2) run away.

Tip 5: Always be on the lookout for red flags!!! Are all of their pics with several people and you don’t know which one is actually them? Are their photos all from a long ways off? All head shots?Pay attention to the clothing and furniture in the background. Is it out of date? If so, odds are so are they. Are they avoiding sending an impromptu photo? Are they avoiding video calls? Do they seem to disappear suddenly? Are you seeing a pattern of unavailability that isn’t explained by work or school (not so much now that everything is shut down)? Do they seem overly secretive or closed off? If you get any of these vibes, trust your spidey senses and either run away or address them, and then run away.

You might find, as I did, that by delaying the physical intimacy due to distancing (or in my case literal distance), you have the time to really get to know a person. You have the chance to get to know things about them that make them who they are, why they feel certain ways, what they want in their future. You may just find that you’ve fallen in love with exactly who they are before that first kiss.

Drop me a note and let me know how your dating life is going while on lockdown. If you have questions or thoughts, please share!

Stay safe, STAY HOME!

XOXO

KKatch