Taking the Online Dating Plunge

First of all, let me just say I’m not advertising for any dating organization and what I state here is merely my opinion based on my own personal thoughts and experiences.   Let’s back up in time a little bit.  The year is 2007, the year of my second divorce.  Some of you youngsters may not be aware that there was a time before texting, Facebook, and all forms of social media when people had to “go out” to meet people.  That’s right!  You couldn’t hide behind your computer or sit on the toilet with your phone while you scoped out your next potential partner or conquest.   You had to clean yourself up, wear something you thought made you attractive to the type of person you were hoping to meet, and plan to visit a place that offered the most potential choices.

So, 2007, I’m single in Chicago with a good job, in shape…..but I couldn’t really meet any guys to date.  Yes, there were a couple short-term boyfriends here and there (more stories for later to make you feel better about your dating experiences) but it was just so hard to meet anyone!  I had had people at work tell me of their successes or friends’ successes on E-harmony or Match.com, but I was still hesitant.  In an act of desperation, after too many drinks and a horrible night out with girlfriends (being hit on by obnoxious men), I did it!!  I signed up on E-harmony.  Am I ashamed?  Okay, yes, maybe a little.  I was more disappointed than ashamed when it was all said and done.  Do you know how many pages of questions you fill out about who you are and what you are looking for?  At least 10, maybe more!  I had answered every question with all honesty, drunken honesty….so REALLY honest!  I was humble about myself and generous with what I was looking for without going overboard.  How many matches did I get with E-harmony in that 3 month trial?  Only 4 that I agreed to meet.  Three months, ten pages of questions, four dates and their suggestion as to why I wasn’t getting more activity was that maybe I hadn’t filled my questionnaire out completely!  One date was the “lizard man” because every time he spoke, he licked his lips very quickly, like a lizard catching a fly!  One was “capped teeth man” with such a dark line at the gum line that I had to look out the window of the coffee shop to keep myself from staring at the line.  One had some weird mouth tick where he curled his upper lip under all the time.  Perhaps he had capped teeth or dentures even as he looked much older than his stated age!  It was very distracting.  The last was a Chicago detective.  We actually had two dates as the first was very short due to my long day at work.  He had that moody mysterious thing going on…so I thought.  However, I realized on the second date there was nothing mysterious to discover, it was just moodiness.  But the final straw was that he picked me up on a crotch rocket…and then told me I was not to hold onto him!

Good-bye E-harmony!  Your sophisticated questionnaires did nothing but waste my time and my $30 trial fee.

P.S.  If E-harmony worked for you, awesome!!!  It just didn’t work for me.